Being in a relationship is great! Except for those times when it is not.
You used to feel like you were on the same team and pulling in the same direction. Everything felt easy and communication was great.
But that got lost somewhere. Now…it feels more like you are living with a roommate than with the person you chose to spend your life with. It feels like you are always fighting.
At least it feels that way when you two are actually interacting with each other. Being stuck at home during CoVid-19 has made life so busy that you might not be talking all that much at all.
What can you do to recapture the love that was once there? Is there anything that can help or give some guidance?
There absolutely is! Finding a counselor to help you work through issues or concerns with your marriage can set your relationship back on the right course.
Here are six benefits of pursuing marriage counseling.
Benefit of Marriage Counseling #1 — Get Out of a Rut:
It’s easy to find grooves in the relationship. Some of them can be good. Some…not so good.
You take on a role that seems to fit or is comfortable for you. An example of this would be that one person does all the laundry. It may have started out as okay, but now feels draining.
It’s also possible that one person has taken on the unspoken responsibility of handling the finances. Or maybe starting all of the hard conversations.
Sometimes one person in a marriage gets to be the dreamer, while another person has to hold boundaries. Or one person is responsible for making a “date night” happen, if it happens at all.
And none of this includes the stress that is added when kids are brought into the conversation.
Marriage counseling can help you discover what patterns or cycles exist inside of the relationship, and help you examine if that is truly what you want for your marriage.
If so, marriage counseling can help you strengthen that cycle.
If not, marriage counseling can help you discover a new way of experiencing one another.
Benefit of Marriage Counseling #2 — Improve Communication:
Who couldn’t benefit from learning how to better communicate with our spouse?
We aren’t often as good at listening as we like to think. And the longer the relationship goes on, the more we begin to develop bad habits that increase conflict.
Marriage counseling can help you brush up on some communication skills. And you'll learn how your emotions impact your spouse.
Benefit of Marriage Counseling #3 — Develop “Team” Mindset:
Relationships can make it feel or seem like your partner is against you. Of course, that’s not the truth. But it can feel like it.
Marriage counseling can help serve as a reminder that you are on the same team. By working with a marriage counselor, you can figure out how to best support each other's individual pursuits. And you will reach your goals as a couple.
A marriage counselor can help you feel like you are both pulling in the same direction again.
Benefit of Marriage Counseling #4 — Learn How to Handle Conflict Well:
Conflict in marriage is inevitable. And it can be so easy to make a comment that actually increases a conflict.
That’s not what you really want.
What you really want to do is learn how to decrease the tension. What you hope for is to have productive conversations through the conflict.
A marriage counselor will help you learn how to navigate the conflict well. You can get the tools necessary to be emotionally-regulated. This will help you to hear what each other is saying, rather than react with negative automatic responses.
Benefit of Marriage Counseling #5 — Grow in Intimacy:
It is ironic that a person can feel so alone in a marriage. But it happens. You don’t mean for it to. But there are things that just seem to come between you.
Marriage Counseling will help you to regain the emotional intimacy you really want. You can feel close and safe with the person you love.
Benefit of Marriage Counseling #6 — Stay Away from Divorce:
Look…there are times when divorce is actually the best thing that can happen for a relationship. The hurt is too deep and the wounds are too great to come back from.
Marriage counseling can help you from getting to that place. Couples are able to gain the tools necessary to develop stronger, healthier attachments. They can learn to be healthier individuals, which forms a healthier relationship.
Marriage relationships are able to heal from many deep wounds. I have seen it happen. But there are ways to avoid getting desperation. Why wait?
Be proactive in securing your relationship and making it strong.
Conclusion:
If you are living in Tualatin, Lake Oswego, or anywhere in the Portland Metro Area, consider finding a good marriage counselor to help you work on your relationship. Online counseling makes for an flexible option to help you make it happen, as well.
Your marriage deserves it.
Jason Wilkinson is a counselor at Wellspace Counseling, a private practice located in Tualatin, Oregon. He helps couples and marriages living in Tualatin, Lake Oswego, and in the Greater Portland, Oregon area strengthen communication and work through conflict. You can contact him at jason@wellspacepdx.com.
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